Friends are the glue
I wrote this on the plane last week as I was flying to Ft Lewis. Sometimes we need to be reminded to take the advice we give others.
The last week or so (actually month or so might be more accurate) has been a tad hectic. I have thoroughly enjoyed my visitors and visiting family. It’s so very, very important to maintain those relationships as we become adults and go about our lives.
Back to my hectic week:
I’ve been stressed by traveling with an almost toddler (more on that in a soon to be written post), a growing to do list at home that requires that I BE there for more a week or so, and unexpected TDY orders for the Solider. I was freaking about whether or not to bring the stroller, which car seat to use, should I bring toys, what about the horse and dogs….oh and with the new TDY orders sending the Soldier to the airport 12 hours before my flight leaves- how am I going to get there?!
My face book status updates must have been increasingly frantic as I started getting concerned phone calls from friends who were “just checking to see how things were going”. J
For most people, when you have a bad day (or week, or month, as the case may be) there is a support system of family, friends, maybe coworkers to pick up enough slack that you can catch your breath. That’s one of those things that being a military wife (or husband!) strip away. Frequent moves along with busy, unpredictable schedules can lead to isolation very quickly.
But military families are incredible. One commonality I’ve found in really successful military spouses is the ability and willingness to build strong friendships relatively quickly. It’s something I’m still working on myself.
My stressful week did have a positive outcome. It was a powerful reminder of how important those friends are and how fortunate I have been at Ft Campbell to have the support and friendship of some really wonderful ladies. When I was freaking out, there were two friends in particular who had sensible, practical suggestions and offers to help. Between the two of them (and the Soldier staying calm while I ranted and raved discussed the issues), I got things figured out to a point that I felt reasonably comfortable attempting a transcontinental flight with a teething 13 month old and an 11 year old.
If you Google “new army wife” or something along those lines, you will pull up a multitude of articles, forums posts and blogs about how important it is to reach out and become active in your community in some form. I’ve written the same advice. This weekend highlighted for me why that is so very important.
When we move away from our families to follow a soldier, we deny ourselves part of the safety net that community usually provides: grandparents or aunts/uncles to watch the kids when you just need five minutes to yourself. Someone to check on you and make sure you’re okay when you’re sick. Someone who can watch the kiddo while you are in labor so that daddy can be at the birth.
But we do have the ability to build our own support system of people who have similar values and ideas (or are just willing to help). However you choose to make your connections: internet, working, volunteering, FRG- it doesn’t matter. Meet other spouses who understand the unique demands of being married to G.I. Joe. Set aside the time to meet new friends for coffee or lunch or a play date. Those friendships don’t happen overnight but they don’t take years either, if you make a point to spending more time and having more contact with the people who share your values.
In light of the fact that I am writing this midflight to Seattle and am still mostly sane, I want to publicly thank Elizabeth Elizabeth
I needed that.
I’m so glad you had someone (or two someones) to help you through your hard time. It is very important to find friends when you move to a new duty station. In the military, relationships are usually on a more escalated time line. I’m glad things went well for you!