Body Shaming The Show Ring
It’s A Shame
During my second test, I had the choice of letting Elf complete a movement incorrectly or making the correction and taking a hit on the score for that movement. I chose to make the correction, which totally blew that particular movement (it was the canter loop to the right, for my riding readers, he broke to the trot when strongly half halted to balance him). On our drive home, my husband told me that when that happened a group of 4 or 5 women standing behind him loudly proclaimed “THAT’S A MISTAKE” before going on to murmur for the remainder of my test over what a shame it was that my weight (or rather, my being overweight) made it impossible for me to get out of my obviously talented horse’s way.
This easily overheard cattiness was a shock for my non-riding husband. He knows how important riding is to me and how hard I’ve worked this year to get back into the show ring. Although he didn’t understand some of what they said, he recognized the gist of it – that these women assumed I was an ineffective rider because I didn’t fit the “ideal” look and shape.
Not Surprised
For me, the disheartening part of that conversation wasn’t the rather childish commentary on my riding, but the fact that it didn’t surprise me. I’m not going to lie and claim it didn’t hurt. It was a direct blow to the one really vulnerable aspect of my show day. But it’s not new to any woman who rides horses and is larger than a size 12. The search for show clothes alone is enough to make the faint of heart want to forget they ever thought horse shows were a good idea.And who thought white breeches were a good idea?
No, there is no doubt that my sport has it’s share of body shaming. And weight isn’t the only factor that can be made a target. The internet is home to articles and forum posts aplenty about riders being too tall for their horse, or too short and over horsed. The hunter and Big Eq circuits have been criticized for encouraging a culture that contributes to eating disorders and unhealthy eating in pursuit of the coveted, classic silhouette of a Big Eq winner.
Do It Anyway
A couple weeks ago, I wrote about making the decision to stop waiting for the right time to chase my goals. I had accept that there would never be a time that it was convenient for me to work out twice a day, ride 5 times a week or dedicate a substantial chunk to going horse showing. It’s not convenient or easy, but I do it anyway.
My love of horses started early enough that I don’t remember a time when the barn wasn’t my favorite place to be. Soft noses, broad backs and a willing heart made horses the perfect support through a tumultuous childhood even when it was hard or I had to beg for lessons, so I did it anyway.
After some time away, the hard choices of young adulthood and college 3000 miles from family sent me looking for that something that had offered comfort before. Money was tight (when is it not for a college student?) so I earned riding opportunities by working for them and riding whatever horses were available. It wasn’t simple and it ate up a tremendous amount of my free time, but I did it anyway.
One opportunity led to another and spent a fabulous few years diving into the horse industry. I learned what I could, grabbed every chance that presented itself and was wiling to do the hard stuff. I cleaned more stalls than I could possibly count. Eventually, I realized that I would be more successful in my riding goals choosing a path other than equestrian pro. At the time, it felt like I was throwing a dream even though I knew it was the right decision. I did it anyway.
I met my husband, got married, and have started a family. As a one horse owning amateur, I don’t ride as often as I would like because there are other priorities too. A horse makes military moves even more complicated, but my husband knows that riding and barn time are essential components of maintaining my sanity through the ups and downs of military life. There are a thousand other things that I could be doing with time & money but this one brings me back to the best parts of myself. So I do it anyway.
If not now, then when?
A year ago I found myself facing another of my husband’s deployment, still struggling with the thyroid issues that made it so hard to lose weight, tired, and overworked. I’d had my fabulous Elf for a year but we hadn’t done much besides putter. All of my goals, this list of things that I wanted to do, felt incredibly untouchable.
I started my 101 in 1001 because it felt like a way to make very small achievements and build some momentum. And it worked. I crocheted an afghan, finished some certifications, did some traveling. I jumped into dressage lessons, participated in a clinic that kicked my butt and started working out more consistently.
When I registered for my first dressage show, we were no where near show ready. I wasn’t planning on being competitive. But I just wanted to keep my momentum up. It worked, we had some challenges (cue the warm-up phobia and some moments on a hysterically spinning pony) but we made it through and managed a score in the 60s and a couple ribbons. I accepted the fact that just because I wasn’t where I wanted to be weight or fitness wise didn’t mean I needed to wait to work towards any of my other goals. The more progress I made in the saddle, the better I felt, the more momentum I built, the easier it became to get up at 5 am to run or to do that second workout of the day.
Inclusive Is Cool
Aside from what my husband overheard at the show, the only place I’ve found criticism for my weight as I return to showing is in my own head. I am my own worst critic – having to consciously turn off the running internal commentary suggesting that maybe the reason Elf is struggling with something is because my weight is unbalanced or I’m not fit enough to help him like he needs.
Realistically, I know that my riding has come a tremendously long way since I started dressage lessons in January. I’m more precise, quicker with my corrections and better balanced. I have more tools in my problem-solving toolbox to set Elf up for success. But I still have to shove the internal critic inside a box and lock it each time I pull on my breeches, every time I put the saddle on, and each show I register for.
We’re never going to eliminate this cattiness from the horse world. It’s also present in the grocery store, the gym, the school pick up line and rampant on the internet. What we can do is address both our internal self-talk and how we individually interact with the people around us. We can be inclusive, encouraging. We can celebrate goals and achievement at every level (even if its getting in and out of the ring without a forgetting your own name). We can focus on strength, fitness and wellness instead of weight.
Don’t get me wrong. My weight impacts my balance, makes me work harder to be effective and affects my health. But from looking at me, you’d never guess that I eat an incredibly healthy, carefully monitored diet – and the amount of education I’ve pursued because Doctors couldn’t help me with weight challenges. You probably can’t tell that I work out twice a day, five days a week and am strong enough to lift solid wood furniture on my own. I work every day not just to get to a healthier weight, but to be a more effective rider, to role model a healthy relationship with food for my son and to take care of myself so that I can give my family and other priorities the energy they deserve.
So no, I don’t look your ideal dressage rider and, sometimes, people are going to feel the need to talk about that.
But I’m going to do it anyway.
What’s next? Let’s talk about changing the body shaming conversation that’s happening at the barn.
Also, here’s an excellent look at how to evaluate rider/horse suitability. For riders of any shape, working with qualified professionals is a vital step in the process. My trainer, vet and farrier are all part of the decisions I make for my guy.
I notice that it’s always that peanut gallery that has something rude to say. None of the people I respect or want to emulate ever behave that way. I always think of this quote:
“If you aren’t in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback” Brene Brown
Good for you for not letting the catty losers stop you from reaching your goals! 🙂
Good for you! Keep riding! I haven’t rode in a year. I developed leukemia and just am too weak. I received great news yesterday, I’m in remission! Dr said to start physical therapy so I can get back to riding. You keep riding and pursuing your goals!
Congratulations on your remission! That’s wonderful news!
So glad to hear you are in remission, just keep looking ahead – there’s a horse waiting to be ridden.
To heck with what people have to say about your body type Kristen……you have a beautiful and willing horse and a passion for riding and that is all that matters…..humans have alot to learn from animals….we are far from being the smartest species that walks the earth….
I agree, Michelle. 🙂
Great- hope you get back to riding soon – I still have a appley stallion (not by choice but cannot get anyone to geld him) and a speed racking pony and two donkeys but am afraid to ride off from the house due to problems with vertigo. At first it was just plain vertigo – this is not dizzyness for those who do not know- you feel like you are staying in one place and the world is revolving around you not the other way around. Mine started with a hours vertigo (meant I was down and could not stand up_) vomiting and diarrhea and then a hours just vertigo and then a cool down period of chills. Later I developed what they call drop vertigo- suddenly you just drop to the lowest surface with your head hitting hard on whatever it is- after two episodes I bought a kids skateboard helmet just to go up and down the stairs to our house- six steep stairs with concrete at the bottom- and since I have had a stroke and have a stent in my head and am on blood thinner this is not recommended as being an ideal thing to happen to me! This means even though I have a temporary fix for it I am even a little leary of working around them at times when I just feel “off” and know it is coming.
This is why I stopped competing years ago. My thyroid kivied up on me sometime in my late 20s, early 30s and I had so little self confidence even putting on jeans, that breeches simply were not going to happen. Sadly, I wasnt even my own worst critic. That was my own sister and mother. I knew that I had a health issue causing it. They thought I “simply” was eating too much and not exercising.
While I still own a horse, I currently do not ride because of his health- OTTB “battle wounds” and my own has declined, past the thyroid issue. But I still make it a point to try and eat healthy. And I rough board my boy, so I am out there mucking stall, hauling hay, carrying water buckets and grain bags. It has kept me sane and balanced. Keep up the great work. Maybe my next horse and I will compete. 🙂
Martha, it is amazing how beneficial even the most practical of time spent with horses can be.
Any time with a horse is time well spent. I would encourage both of you to check out the “Stop The Thyroid Madness” website to help more unfully tangle thyroid issues. I too have struggled with thyroid issues for over a decade now and got virtually no relevant help from them. Good luck and happy riding.
THank you Lisa, it is really amazing how much contradictory information there is out there about thyroids!
Yes! Well said. It’s so easy to criticise while sitting and doing nothing. If they could do better, why aren’t they competing?
Thank you, Bron.
Amen!
When I first got married I started taking a birth control pill that completely changed your metabolism- later they took it off the market but the first two weeks I gained 15 lbs- I had never weighted over 100- a nosey old lady saw me down town one day and said boy, you sure have got fat haven’t you -but then I guess everybody tells you that. For once I knew just what to say and without missing a beat popped out with No, Mam’ , most people are too polite!
I am responding as an overweight rider and say that it takes a level of fitness and unbelievable core strength to effectively communicate to our horses through the nuances of our moves. Just the plain facts, not body shaming anybody. I was determined and lost 28 pounds, the difference was profound…
Margie – Absolutely. You’ll find no argument in my post with that. I dedicate as much time to my weight loss (through work outs and healthy eating) as I do my riding. The point of my post was that I, like most overweight riders, am perfectly aware of my weight’s impact on my riding. And I have excellent, qualified professionals who help to address that and minimize that impact as much as I can. But it shouldn’t stop me from riding or showing.
you are right-I have shown and was subjected to the same abuse by people who never put a foot in a stirrup.
If they think its so easy they need to get off their asses and do it themselves. Those who can -ride-those who cant-critisize
You go girl! Enjoy your horse! Get out there and RIDE!
😀 Thank you Amy!
Inspiring.
thank you!
So much about your blog resonates with me. I too found so much sanity among horses and I too struggle(d) with balancing it all- family, work, horses. That being said, it is the cattiness among us women- the drama in the horse word- that is sonic red only stressful and unfortunate. Keep on rising above…
The time in the barn and those wonderful moments in the saddle belong to us and our horses- who, ironically, don’t judge us at all!
Hugs!
Exactly!
I love your article! I started in the eventing world before having kids. Also military family. I struggle with the weight related negative talk all the time, so much that I’ve been scared to jump my incredibley talented new horse! Thanks for your encouragement. Feel free to email me!
I know exactly how you feel, Cristi! Part of why we’re doing dressage right now is that my guy’s HUGE jump made me realize how many holes I needed to fill in!
Um, what? Some of the best riders I know are not the skinniest ones. My first thought is of the 250 pound guys that do calf roping, cutting, and team penning. But I’ve known a lot of tremendous riders that are certainly much bigger than a size 12. It’s disgusting to me that people think this matters enough to even talk about, let alone give someone such a hard time about it behind their back. They are probably jealous of your skill or admiring your perseverance… Something a lot of people done have. I’ll get off my soap box… Sorry. In short, you rock. Keep up the awesome work. And for the record, you are NOT big. 🙂
Thank you, Julie! I agree – there is a tremendous range (body type and size wise) when it comes to successful equestrians. Some people just don’t have enough to do, apparently!
Right on the dot!
You go girl! You look awesome! F**k the haters!
Thank you, Susan!
Notice the “cats” are talking, not riding? Ask them where their horse is and they’ll have a million and one excuses. Those who can’t, feel the need to critique. You do what you love and enjoy. Nuts to the rest! Chin up. Heels down. Ride on!!
Thank you, Nancy! At least one of these ladies was riding in my class but the idea remains the same. There is simply no need for the trash talking.
I love that line ‘those who can’t critique’!
Keep on getting up. Your drive is amazing!
Thank you CJ!
People can be quite thoughtless. Just wondering why your husband woukd relay a comment that he knew would be so hurtful?
Pam – my husband was honestly shocked and didn’t know what to do. We’ve had enough conversations about it that I’m sure he was confident in my ability to take these comments for exactly what they were – the useless cattiness of women without the confidence to enjoy healthy competition.
This article hits home for me in SO many ways. My husband recently retired from the military after 22 years, and I finally have my 2 horses. I have never been a dressage person, more of a western pleasure fan – but I respect and can relate to so much of what you’ve said here, from the childhood on up. I never had horses when we were active duty simply because I was terrified that the needs of the navy would inevitably come before the needs of this horse lover – and I would have to sell or leave someone behind. The thought was devastating. I too have struggled with weight my entire life, and I know all too well what weight does to a barrel racing score. At any rate, I’m so glad I found your blog, and I can’t wait to see what else you have to say. Thanks so much for sharing!
Rebecca – we’ve definitely had to make some hard choices and sacrifices to keep my horse throughout all the changes. But it’s been worth it. I’m glad you’re getting horse time now!
I have been judging stock and USEF shows for 18 years. I have added quite a bit to my own “girth” in those years. Judging stock shows requires me to be inthe ring for many different classes. It is disgusting what I have heard people say on the rail and even worse, some of them address me on hreaks if they received less than what they feel they should have. Just because they weren’t the best that day, I become a fat ass whale not worthy of my judges cards. I have thicker skin than an elephant, ironically. Thanks for this post. God bless you and may everyone please remember DON’T JUDGE unless youre getting paid for it.
<3
Wonderful article. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and it is (sadly) not an uncommon one. Many of us have been there at one time or another and can relate. I love that you are out there riding, having goals and going for it “ready or not.” When are we ever ready? If we waited for that, it would never happen.
You look beautiful with Elf and he looks happy with you. Enjoy your lovely horse and keep learning and riding. You two are doing great and will keep improving as you work together. Congratulations on your successes thus far! And by the way: hardly anyone looks good in those gawdawful white breeches. Most of us resemble the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Oh well, whatever. Ride on!
Thank you, Edie!
Wow Kristen, you said it all. I am in Australia, and didn’t ride until 50ish..it’s been an uphill battle with very thin and fit horsie people looking a first my age, then my short, and getting bigger, frame.. I tried and tried, but eventually could not handle the body language. I don’t ride any more. I do have 16 horses who no one wanted. I am happy on the ground, feeding them. I cannot get up into the saddle any more, it was difficult before but impossible now I have put on more weight and my arthritis has kicked in big time..
I grew up in a ‘fataphobic’ family where how you looked and what weight you were, was an every day issue. I have rebelled. I would not be brave enough to enter the dressage world. Or any competitive world of horses for that matter. I am 62 now and still heavy. So I know, first hand, how other people’s opinions can shape your life into what you don’t necessarily care about..
Do not let this society affect your dreams. I did, and I am sorry that I let it do it to me.. We are who we are, regardless of the packaging.
Your message is great. Keep up the good work, and the comments.
*hugs* Lorraine
Kristen you look fantastic, so does Elf and kudos to you for giving it a try. It takes a lot of time and effort (not to mention skill) to get into the arena at all. I’m sorry you had to hear about that and I’m sorry your husband had to hear it, but I bet he’s dead proud of you!
Thank you, Tami! He was absolutely floored and confused by it. It makes a huge difference to have someone support and believe in you – and goes a long way towards minimizing the impact of mean girl criticism.
I am so happy you wrote this and rode those tests. I have those rediculious voices in my head and it’s really hard to suck your stomach in when your riding your tail off!!! Go On!!!
Sam – so true! I’ve found that focusing on turning my body awareness into more precise aids instead of worrying about the appearance of my stomach has caused a huge improvement in my position.
Hello, I have struggled with weight all of my life. I too have to work at keeping off. I am an adult amateur as well and I struggle with self image issues as well as what my scale says. I’ve done this to the point where I’ve asked my vet if I’m ok weight wise to ride my horse and he replies of course. It’s true, we are our own worst critics but at this point for me personally, it’s now or never. I love my horse and I love the relationship I’m building with him through dressage. Keep up the good work and by the way, you look fabulous!!
Kathy – I think the turning point for me was hitting the point that I was tired of waiting to achieve my goals! And now that I’ve gotten started, the peanut gallery has no chance of slowing me down 😉
Well said. I, too, struggle with my weight and find that I am my own worst critic. I would never let another person say to me what I say to myself. Thank you for reminding me that every time I get on my horse it is a personal victory and a joy in my life.
That is so very true that we say things to ourselves that we would never tolerate in other people! Addressing our own self-talk and perspective is the cornerstone of effecting change.
Awesome perspective, and something every single equestrian should be championing. Keep on keeping on!
Thank you, Nina!
I love it that you are going after your goals anyway! Don’t let the nay-sayers push any buttons. I’m also a committed adult-amateur dressage rider. Would I be a better rider if I had the time and money to ride more, take more lessons, do more cross training, etc? Yes, probably — but I do what I can within the constraints of my reality, and enjoy the constantly improving relationship with my equine partner and the skills and confidence I do manage to acquire. Good luck to you!
Thank you, Beth! I’m right there with you!
Dear Kristen, you have written an article that is LONG over due in the equestrian world. You hit every point about “body shaming” that permeates the horse showing world. Especially in dressage where it’s one on one, rider and horse working as as team, the peanut gallery comments are really just rude and mean spirited.
Please continue your beautiful riding for all of us non-perfect body types❤️
Thank you, Carol!
I have found donkey and mule people to be much nicer than horse people and I have owned many grade rescues, and raised AQHA Quarter horses and Arabians and dlb reg Pinto half arabians- give me a mule or donkey any day and a mule and donkey owner!
The question should not be whether or not someone’s physical appearance is appropriate for a sport or not that’s body shaming and that’s just plain wrong. The question should be should someone that is tremendously overweight the putting that burden on an animal that has no choice in the matter? When you can answer that question correctly and stop worrying about the things that are appealing to your ego then you’ll be able to answer the questions that are really pertinent. If you think that this is a question from the peanut gallery that’s alright I suppose. But if you’re going to minimize everybody who disagrees with you than you really are quite a bit worse than the people who do the body shaming
Marcus – the situation in question had nothing to do with my ego 🙂 My horse was happily and capably doing the work, according to the qualified judges, my expert trainer and excellent vet. The bodyshaming I am writing about is a completely unproductive criticism among the equestrian community.
In what way am I minimizing those who disagree with me?
There is no question that this rider is not too much for her mount. He is solid and strong and she is not “tremendously overweight”. Just stop, it’s clear you have the self righteous mentality of the peanut gallery.
There is no reason to be contrary in this way, nothing we see in this blog suggests anything you referred to.
Please, look in the mirror.
Thank you, Lynn 🙂
Well stated. It is easier to ride if one’s thighs are more slender. That said, we have had some successful Olympic riders that have not fit the mold. I have seen some heavier riders ride well and in a supple way. If you are fair to your horse, that is important. Best wishes for success in your riding. Thank you.
Definitely, Estelle! My weight gain presented definite physical challenges and I’ve had to adjust the way I ride accordingly. At the same time, I’m much stronger through my core and back than I was ten years ago and that comes in handy with a strong, big moving horse!
Thank you for sharing your experiences and highlighting an issue that I think it often overlooked in the horse industry. Obviously, we horse people want to be as fit, strong, healthy and effective with our aids, for our horses sake as well as our own. But what some people (usually people who naturally never have to struggle with their weight) don’t understand is that being overweight or of a different body shape doesn’t necessarily mean you eat junk food or are super lazy.
I am 5’8 and weigh 173 pounds, but can also lift 150# 3 string timothy hay bales when the guy at the feed store can’t. I work out daily and have a physically strenuous job. But the fact that you and I both feel compelled to explain ourselves is quite sad. I wish people could just take the lesson we all learn as children, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” to heart, and quit making judgements about people based on their appearance.
My husband made the point that it just felt so unnecessary. The class is questions was a first level AA class – where we are largely “weekend warriors” not elite athletes. Horse shows would be a much more pleasant experience if people would just play nice 🙂
Good for you. Thank you for putting this out there. I have been to many shows and heard that sort of talk. I am not small but I gave up on the perfect picture years ago. I ride to be effective. If I can do that I can show my horse to the best of our ability. I grew up in California and trained with down well known people. The day my trainer reported to me that I was too fat to compete a horse that I had broke for her I was devastated. That’s when I looked at Hilda gurney. She does not have the ideal riders body but she is affective and it shows in her scores. I want to be like her. She is repeated by her pears and her students. She is a great rider.
Keep it up.
Absolutely. Elf and I are doing dressage because I felt it would make me a more effective rider and be good for his long term soundness. I am absolutely confident that we are accomplishing both of those objectives!
Yeah for you lady. It’s the same in dog show ring performance circuit, especially if you add to weight you are older and can’t run so fast anymore. But we are all out there which is more than some of the sideline critics out there. At least we have the courage to fail which actually makes us winners to begin with.
Absolutely! Well said, Diana!
I’m sorry for the way you were treated horse people can be so unkind and they don’t care who they hurt they will bag someone then be nice to their face
Ignore them I’ve been showing with my grandaughter I couldn’t afford a $20000 horse but we saved a TB he’s a gem over the years we have been looked down on been ignored by other we knew but at a show they don’t want to know me so we keep to our selves we don’t win much as a lot know judges that how they win
Best of luck and keep going stick it up there you know what
Christine
Thank you Christine. 30 years in the horse world have taught me that people will always criticize, and that it is still more than worth it!
Wow! What a great opinion piece (found through FB). I have added your blog to my list of sites to monitor. I am also struggling with my weight – have done all my life – basically, I could work 12 hours in the fields with a piece of wholemeal bread and a bottle of beer. My horses have been saints. My present mare is also a BIG lass – and for the first time, I don’t feel under-horsed. NONE of my horses have actually struggled with me – but I have had the rail-birds comment. NOT that they can actually ride my horses- I offered one once when she was really dancing around despite me 🙂 – and that was one of my most-laid-back mares :). My present mare – well, someone who THOUGHT she could ride, saw me mucking around on this not-long-broken-in-horse bareback and asked to have a ride. She obviously thought that the mare was lazy – and when she gave her a good kick ….. well! That Bit8h hadn’t expected the fast positive reaction… couldn’t get off fast enough 🙂 Go the big girls!
Welcome Rae! I’m glad to have you here 🙂 My trainer laughed outloud when I told her about my husband had overheard. Elf, lovely though he is, is incredibly quirky and a challenging ride. She’s very good with difficult horses and even she says he is a workout!
I give you so much credit for doing what you love. You’ll always find the snooty’s at those shows. I’ve seen it time and time again. As my aunt once told me, “pick up your chin and rise above it”. You have worked so hard for something that you love and that is the greatest achievement of all. Your husband should be very proud of you.
Thank you, Bev. He’s wonderfully supportive of my riding goals.
Inspiring writing and good on you keep going your doing great x
Thank you 🙂
What an amazing attitude! I’m a bigger rider too and no-one can tell me or whisper anything I don’t already know or obsess over, but I HATE seeing friends who aren’t as able to brush it off being bought down by catty (jealous?) remarks from the sideline – always the people you never see out there and actually doing it, funnily enough!
Stacey – that’s something that always stumps me. Do people think we don’t know?
They are simply stupid. Take a look at one of the most famous teachers: Nuno Oliviera. Not thin but one of the most skilled equestrians we had. http://www.europeanhorsemanship.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/horsemen-nuno-oliveira.jpg
🙂 You aren’t the first to point out that men at the same weight as many “heavy” female riders seem to escape the criticism.
You are my hero. Beautifully written and very inspiring. You and Elf look like a lovely pair!
Thank you Autumn.
What an inspiring story! I so admire you! You are beautiful as is your horse. Keep up the good work and never deny your dreams!
Thank you, Karen!
Something a very wise trainer said to me has stuck in my head for years : “Give me two riders of equal talent and the heavier rider will get more out of their horse”. That means that rider has learned how to use their weight effectively.
And here in Colorado, we have a heavier rider that successfully rides in the upper levels and Colorado is known for it’s slim and fit people. But I don’t doubt that the larger riders have trouble with perception.
Anyway, I wish you many successful rides on your beautiful steed.
Gwynn – Your trainer had a point. I will say that being an effective rider while heavier has pushed me to be much more precise and specific with my aids than I was at a lighter weight.
i quit showing for this very reason many years ago. i was overweight,i was 5’7″ and no where near being obese, my horse was a 16.2 hand tb that i retrained and for the most part we did very well. then the showing winds changed direction it seemed. small women/men on huge warmbloods or tall tb’s seemed to be the requirement now. most looked like little kids up there and even though the horse may have been talented, i was alway under the impression that it was suppose to be a horse and rider suitability, after all, if i showed up in the ring on a 14.2 had talented horse, i would have been frowned upon no matter how talented the horse was. my last show, i didn’t even bother entering the ring for my last class. i noticed that the judged saw a rather larger woman enter the ring on a beautiful warmblood cross, that was larger than my tb, and they were well suited to each other. it was a jumping class, 2.5 ft equitation, and i observed the judge not even look up once the woman entered the ring! not once! the woman had a very nice round. she was with her horse, had nice quiet hands, good crest release, no tipping or hitting any jump and changed leads flawlessly. when the next person came in, the judge made her ‘evaluation’ of the rider, a smallish man on a big grey tb looking horse and she never took her eyes off him, watching him ride you would have thought it was a timed speed jumping class. i remember specifically how he basically just stood up in the stirrups and had little crest release, an i remember thinking that the poor horse appeared to have a hard time jumping being held with his neck arched all the time with a tight rein. the judge did the same body shaming when a chubby looking young woman entered the ring on a horse that was probably 15.1, but again, she was well suited to their horse. every person who placed that day was a smallish type on large horses. as i watched other judges, they all seemed to do similar judging with basically ignoring larger riders. on another note, i have a very large friend who regularly shows horses on the flat and dressage who does very well no matter what horse she rides, but she is also the owner of a very successful riding/training/boarding stable in that area where she shows. as for me, i gave up showing, maybe the winds have changed again, who knows, but i just like to ride for fun now. hunter paces and trail rides and maybe the occasional fun day.
It is a unique vulnerability in any sport that depends on subjective judging. I will say that for the most part, I’ve found that I’ve been treated very fairly by clinicians and judges in the dressage world. Whether for fun or in shows, we get so much from riding 🙂
Kristen, Congratulations for staying the course of what makes you happy, focused and centered. I try to remember that the cattiness is self centered on those people’s part and also is really a sign of their lack of confidence. The warm and loving heart sees a rider and horse working together towards their own goals.
I hear you on a similar level I had polio and have one leg that has alredy lost 30% of it’s strength, so my ability to cue is odd…but it gets there.
As a now “senior citizen”, I set out on a health journey. I’ve lost 1/2 of my goal weight and have built muscle, power and energy. Sure, I’l never regain the leg, but that’s ok. I’d be happy to share what program I’ve done. send me an email.
Keep up the good work..
Nancy – congratulations on finding something that works for you! That really is the key. And you’re right. That sort of gossipy, unproductive criticism says much more about the source than the subject.
don,t worry, once you lose the weight they will find something else to criticize…..horse too big/small/skinny/fat/advanced/not advanced , braids no good, saddle not right, outfit no good, riding no good due to too skinny/fat/leg position/ hand position, bad trainer, bad horse… The possibilities are endless!
Ride on and don’t pay attention to the peanut gallery!
LOL That’s certainly true, Caroline! It’s simply how some people choose to react.
Lovely blog. I am very glad you are “doing it anyway”!!! All of us riders are challenged by making time for everything. Bodies come in different shapes and sizes and that is just how it is.
Jane – that’s very true. I think carving out the time to ride consistently is more of a challenge for me than anything else!
Way to stand up for yourself. You are a strong person! Reading your story is an inspiration. Keep up your amazing work.
Thank you, Colette
I think it is wonderful that any size person can ride, as I have heavier friends. As long as the horse’s size fits the riders weight. I have seen so very often the rider being to heavy for the horse and wonders why the horse is not riding/preforming well. The size of the cannon bone also matters not only the weight of the horse. When we adopt, we insure the horse fits the rider.
Horse and Rider – Horses carrying 25% and 30% of their body weight had higher heart and respiratory rates during exercise, and muscles that were more sore a day after exercise. So, in short, a good rule of thumb is that an average horse can carry 20% of his bodyweight (keeping in mind this is tack combined with the weight of the rider
Debbie – suitability is absolutely a concern for riders for any of size. I will say that there is a considerable bit of science that says a straight body weight percentage is not the best way to determine suitability. Conformation, rider’s skill and balance, and well fitted tack all also are important factors 🙂
Hello!
Just an idea you might think about….You might want to check out the thyroid blogs and different sites. A unmediated thyroid issue frequently results in significant weight gain where nothing you do makes any difference. Dr’s rely only on the TSH results, which are extremely misleading. I have an under active thyroid which was misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia for 9 years before being correctly diagnosed.
Good luch with all your endeavors! Thanks for the pics and your blog.
Cheers, sharon
Thank you, Sharon. I do have a subclinical underactive thyroid and am treated for that. It took a few years, a good bit of research on my own and pressing for tests from my Drs. But once we started figuring it out, I finally started addressing the low energy and finding some weight loss success
Good for you!!
Thank you!
Kristen,
You write really well. I love this piece. Keep up the good work.
Scot
Thank you Scot.
Kristen,
this is such a wonderful and useful blog on so many levels. Yes body shaming is alive and well in our sport both internally and externally…and the manufacturers of clothing, advertising, etc. all contributes…one small place in the larger prism of woman-hating in our culture in general. I love that you are talking about it and breaking the stereotypes by putting your exercise, eating, healthy lifestyle in the foreground. Thank you! and keep going…
Vicki
Thank you, Vicki. I think specific examples of the cultural bodyshaming are important to point out even though they reflect a microcosm. By specifically identifying when and where and why it happens, we can address it there on the individual level.
Congrats on your success. I too struggle with my weight and I know there are comments made about it. But on the flip side people are surprised when they actually see the abilities I have. Like you I eat healthy, exercise and can do almost any strength task I need to get done. I have brought my horse up a youngster and we are currently schooling 4th level. The journey has been slow, with a few large bumps along the way and we still have lots to learn. The important part for all of us is to enjoy the journey. Best wishes for you on your journey!
Thank you Sandy. Congratulations on developing your horse! My long term goals are to get my Bronze and I’m excited that we knocked out our First level scores in our first season.
Wonderful writing & congratulations on your ribbons!
I am a 50+, overweight rider who has been off a horse for 35 years. I now own my own horse after taking lessons for the past 5 years and I am working hard to improve both my skill and confidence. I have a wonderful trainer who instills her knowledge and praise at every turn. Never once has she commented on my weight, and like you, she tells me just to use what I have and work the rest. Others at my barn are never openly mean, but I always get the”you could do so much more if you lost the weight”. I really enjoyed reading this article and looking at a lot of people at shows I am guessing we are not alone in this. Thank you for highlighting an issue that can be very hurtful to those who are at least trying!
*hugs* Trish. The few people I’ve encountered who made comments like that I’ve found are best handled by addressing directly: I am absolutely working to improve both myself and my horse as athletes and I’m so glad that I have a trainer who is supportive of the journey that takes us on.”
I was diagnosed with hypothyroid at 9 years old and it’s always a struggle- I was overweight through high school and always picked on. I ate healthy, but that doesn’t mean much when your body is hell bent on holding onto weight! I got skinny gradually but was anything but healthy, barely had energy to ride and do much at all. I joined the coast guard at 21, and started gaining back weight but maintained my fitness goals- I don’t think people really understand how hard it is to fight against a non working thyroid!!! It never ends 🙁
I’m just a reservist, but had to give my horse up along with my riding dreams a few months ago. Going on a year of orders and then deploying in 2018 so just don’t have time to chase riding dreams anymore 🙁
Keep doing what you’re doing- you rock!
*hugs* Aileen I know how hard it is to balance the demands of the military with horses. No worries, there will be horses when you get back! In the mean time, you can always explore lessons!
Wow! Did your article ever hit home! I too am (was, husband just retired) a military spouse and have similar issues with regards to weight. My husband attended a clinic I was at and as he thought he was video taping it with my camera, he actually had it off. When it was on, it dangled from his hand, undenounced to him that it was recording…recording the voices of some of the riders that were waiting their turn. The comments they made were not nice to say the least. They did not realize that my camera was picking up every word, every malicious comment. And yes, it hurt! It took me a long time to put that behind me and have the attitude that it didn’t matter what others thought. This was a journey between me and my horse…not their journey! Needless to say, I still fret a bit over my weight…but I am having way too much fun with riding and competing!!! A first time for me even at the age of 55!! I just wish I had had the confidence in myself to do this so much earlier! I regret the time I have let slip by because of other’s criticism and ridicule. But no more!!! My journey, although a bit late, has begun and there is no stopping me!!!
That is so great to hear, Babs. Sometimes, I think it takes those painfully raw moments to force to face the negativity of our self talk and make a CHOICE to move towards our goals anyway.
I feel you – people who have never struggled with their imperfections often appoint themselves judge and jury of those of us who are not quite the “ideal”. You know, it’s that way all the way through life, even though you’d expect adults to outgrow it….but some never do. Shame on them for their thoughtless cruelty, and kudos to you for living your life to the fullest!
Thank you, Brenda. And its true, we run into “that person” everywhere.
Thank you for posting this! I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I’ve grown up with Horses and showed competitively on the national level most of my life. I remember as a kid two trainers my mother took me to said I’d have no chance showing in equitation because I didn’t have the ideal body type. I guess I proved them both wrong with two regional championships and a reserve world championship the following year in equitation of all things. Critics make you stronger. It makes me smile now when I see kid show that aren’t the ideal body type.
You are so welcome, Meg! There are so many people throughout the industry that defy the stereotype! And you’re right, it’s simply up to us to change the conversation to what we can ACCOMPLISH
Been there, done that. I understand completely. I tried the breed shows, hated them. People wanted me to do hunter with my horse because he really was the perfect looking hunter horse – 16.2 and beautiful, but I didn’t have the body for it at all. I took a lot of hunter lessons with him and learned a lot. I found friends once in a while who would ride him in the hunter classes at open shows where he did very well beating out riders who had been out there for quite a while, but in the end we found something he loved to do and they didn’t judge you on your size, riding equipment, or the breed of your horse. It was called Judge Trail Riding. We were doing this back in the 90s and this was perfect for us. The very last event we went to, June 5, 2010, was packed with “cowboys” from the area. I quote the word because I lived in Virginia at the time. There we were, a fat old woman (I was 60 at the time.) and this great, solid looking Appsloosa. I held back to the last, letting them do what they wanted. Usually my rides were on a 10 mile trail but this time it was in a field. My horse like these even better as he was getting on in age by now. Finally my number was called and I showed them how it was supposed to be done. 😊 I blew them out of the water! Had a perfect score! So, you see, one day you’ll be able to ride out of that dressage ring with the best score as well. The lessons you are taking now will help him and you tons! You will continue to do better. BTW – Correcting the mistake in the ring, even if it did take away points, was the right thing to do. Many riders would never do that and the horse learns that quickly. It’s better to cottect and be scored down now then for something to happen later. As you said, this was for training. It’s ALL for training. Keep it up and screw the rest of them. Eventually you will become a fixture at these events and people will accept you. Keep your dreams going!
Thank you, Elaine, that’s an awesome story! I am Elf’s forever home, he’s a member of the family. I show because I enjoy it – the dressage is to help him and I agree with you about the training. George Morris regularly says that every time you ride you either improve the horse’s training or damage it and I hold to that.
This is so beautifully written. I am well overweight and when I came back to riding for the third time, as an adult in my late 40’s, I unfortunately bought a horse who turned out to be a dirty little rascal who dumped me twice at spooks over nothing. Having dealt with a broken knee prior to that, I was very leery of this horse I grew to distrust. (He had been in the hands of an extraordinary trainer before I bought him. I guess it took someone much more talented than I to make him comply. That and/or a much harsher hand/bit.) At any rate, I was lucky enough to be given a beautiful QH who is kind and willing and I’m finally redeveloping my own confidence as a rider. I know I am hindered by my weight and can’t seem to get with the program to loose the 75 lbs that need to go. I really appreciate what you have written here and I applaud you for all that you are doing. I have a practical question for you: how did you ever find boots to fit your calves? I have searched and searched and without spending literally hundreds of dollars for a custom made pair, I have found absolutely nothing that will work for me. My husband and I are both teachers on a very tight budget, so a custom pair is out of the question. I would be grateful for any advice you can share about being properly turned out while still heavy. I’m sure that many of the folks who have already responded to this blog would be interested to know your answer to this question, too. Keep up the good work and thanks for the inspiration!
Pam I’ll write a post that is more detailed but I ride in Smartpak Harwich chaps in XW for my daily rides and show in Donatello Plus size boots for show. I had to stretch them a bit for them to be comfortable but two weeks of riding, they fit really well. https://www.smartpakequine.com/pt/tredstep-donatello-dress-boot–plus-size-11651
Try http://www.fullerfillies.com . They are having a boot sale right now.
Thank you for writing so beautifully about a difficult, sensitive topic. Here I am at 58, short, overweight and riding as much as I can because I love riding and I love my mare. I started riding lessons when I was 46 and experienced the cattiness from the beginning, mostly from women who never ever got on a horse. It may have hurt my feelings at the time but not enough to make me give it up. Now, I could care less what other people think. I wear boots and breeches with pride, and show off my helmet head at the grocery store on my way home from the barn. All people notice is my dazzling smile. Oh and did I forget to say that I have MS and my left arm and leg are pretty much useless? That I get around with a brace on my leg and a crutch for support? I have the BEST coach and the MOST AMAZING mare. So what if walk/trot is all I can do. I’m doing it!
So don’t let the negativity get to you. You and your horse are beautiful together. I wish you heaps of success in reaching your goals. Happy riding always.
Thank you Allison. <3 that you found a place that nourishes you!
So glad you addressed this topic head on. Shame on the shamers. Let’s have compassion for those who struggle with this sport — it’s hard enough as it is!
Absolutely, Lauren! We all share a love of horses, competition can be healthy and friendly without the nastiness.
Good for you Kristin. Keep up the good work. You will reach your goals. I myself have changed to showing dogs, due to my age. You would be surprise that body shaming is at work there also. The cute young thing with the dog with bad conformation “wins” many times. Luckily many dog show people are “ageing out” so there is usually a bunch of old ladies in the ring
Rita – Several people have mentioned that bias in dog shows. It’s pretty pervasive, which is why it shouldn’t stop us from doing what we love!
YOU FREAKING GO GIRL!!!
Thank you!
Good for you! Keep it up. I gave up horses for a period of time when it was t practical. Got back to it at 46 and at 58 I’m overweight and just putter around on my very calm , sweet gypsy mare. I’m sure there are many who think I’m too fat to ride but I don’t care. My mare has no priblem carrying me on our short rides and we have an awesome relationship. She gives me peace when I’m with her and I won’t let anyone spoil that and neither should you.
<3
Thanks for telling your story. Your writing is lovely and it is clear that you enjoy being with with and setting goals with your horse. Now is the time, and I was inspired by the concept of “perfect” and the ability those thoughts can have towards obtaining our dreams. Yeah to you, and I hope that some side line spectators will see themselves and start looking for something positive to put their thoughts toward.
Thank you, Lucie. One of my personal mantras is “progress, not perfection”. I have to fight the desire for perfection every day. But if we are only willing to accept perfection of ourselves, it just sets us up for failure.
I’m so glad I stumbled upon your blog. This reason is one of the reasons I quit competing. I showed on the equestrian team in college and went to a small university in the mountains of NC. We competed against the big horse colleges. I have always been a little larger but even when I was running five miles a day and riding horses five days a week I was still a size 12. I’ve always been thick and muscular but in the show ring it just seemed not exceptable. After college I found a great horse and competed a few more years in combined training and hunter jumpers but saw the favoritism and rudeness that had developed on the sidelines of the show ring. My heart was just not in it any longer. I now still ride but I enjoy weekends spent with friends trail riding all over the state and getting to see places that others may never get to see. The show ring can be an evil place but thank you for your inspiration in holding your head high and sticking to your guns.
One day I would love to return to the showe ring with your confidence and aspiration!!
Sarah – I’m so glad you found your way here. Did you go to school in Boone? I’m glad that you’ve found a place in the horse world that continues to feed your soul – it’s so important to hold onto those things that sustain us.
I will tell you, though, I took some time away from the ring and had to fight my way back. It was mostly my own self talk and doubts that were holding me back. As much of a momentary sting as the incident I described in this post gave me, I went the next week to a much bigger show and had a great time and some great rides. It stung, but when it comes to the things I value the great show we had was SO MUCH more important than anything those people on the sidelines could have said. If the show ring makes you happy, surround yourself with a barn family that encourages you and go have fun!
Kristen,
Great article and I’d say sorry to you but really I feel sorry for the brats on the sidelines. So far I’ve been very fortunate to go to shows with a polite crowd that does not call out others mistakes, not to mention I’ve not heard any type of body shaming. They aren’t rated shows yet but still! The level of professionalism and courtesy should only increase with the difficulty!
I hope that you don’t feel the need to explain yourself to critics on a day to day basis, as you have in this article. If you’re treating your body well, that’s on you; if you’re not… that’s on you too. I wish people would get that before letting poisonous ignorance roll out of their mouths.
Great job keeping on with horses despite hardships! Congrats on the continued excellence! 😀
Thank you Serenity! I really hope that we can start to change the conversation in the horse industry from simply body shape/appearance to treating riders like the athletes they are. There will always be individuals who chose to take the negative and gossipy perspective but that choice says more about them than their targets.
Great read, keep going! And you look great!
Thank you Tracy
I used to ride and show many years ago, now I am to heavy to even be able to get myself up in the saddle, but I am working on losing the weight. One of my goals when I am able is to start riding again. I am still around horses often, as I am a 4-H leader and have a horse club, plus I secretary several shows., but I really want to get back in the saddle. I am eating health and using a wonderful suppliment that is helping me lose the weight and get healthy. I have lost 21lbs, so I am on my way to my goal, but I do have a lot more to go. I will get the thanks to Plexus and my healthy eating.
Congratulations on your progress! I’ve found Beachbody workouts to be the most effective thing for me, along with getting enough sleep and clean eating!
I enjoyed this read very much. I too am not my athletic skinny young self any longer and after 2 kids and struggling with my weight ever since. I video my schooling rides sometimes and all I see is my weight. I have been riding, training and showing my whole life and I know I am a good rider but I feel like the picture just isn’t going to be good enough for the judges. People don’t understand the struggle. We really do just need to learn to love ourselves because we are the only ones that know how hard we work everyday to battle our size. Thank you for this article I really needed this.
Heather – I feel ya! I have to be careful with my self-talk whenever I’m watching video of myself or looking at pictures. There are only a handful of pictures of me riding for the last few years because I honestly just avoided. Part of my active choice to enjoy where I’m at now was the decision to accept what I see in pictures/video as just an indication of the progress we’ve made this year.
WOW! Thanks for the fantastic post. Im in my early 20’s and have been fighting that battle for years. I was a competition show rider, I evented and did dressage, and the shows can be brutal. On my own I was fighting myself for being overweight. Struggled thinking that every time my horses did something wrong it must have been my fault. But same thing, I worked out consistently and hell yeah i could have taking on the world with one arm i was so jacked from all my training. But it never did show since I always had a lovely cushioning over my whole body. It takes knowing yourself and being confident in yourself. I’ve dealt with a lot of people in shows making their hurtful comments, and I’ve even had people tell me not to compete in certain classes because of the judge not liking overweight riders. (That one hurt the most because no matter how fantastic my horse was, we never placed because the judge didn’t like the way I looked in tight show clothes)
It is a crude show world that we all love to death. But it takes you being confident in yourself to deal with it and not let it tear your down.
Like you said, riding is something that keeps most of us sane, its a place of comfort and contentment, why shame people for doing something they love?
Genna – I’m so sorry that you’ve run into so much of the negativity already. I honestly believe that every one of us has the ability to change the conversation within our industry. We can treat ourselves like athletes without going mean-girl on anyone without the sterotypical body type. Good for you for keeping on!
Very well written article.
I see overweight riders and think it is good they are being active and not letting their weight keep them from doing something they love.
I also had a thyroid issue (graves disease) and went for months on medication to block my thyroid. Now I have no thyroid because I had it nuked. I take replacement thyroid and that works. In the months on the blocking medication I packed on 40 lbs. That is huge on a 5’2″ person. I am also top heavy so I hate how I look on a horse.
I ride at home and will continue to do so. I have lost some of the excess weight but really need to get rid of more.
You should be proud of your accomplishments. Keep showing if and writing good motivating articles.
Thanks
Thank you, Linda! I’m only 5’4″ so have a similar issue! For the last few years, I held back from chasing some of my goals because I also hated how I looked on a horse. I decided this year to just put it aside. I like how it feels to be in the saddle more than I hate how it looks 😉
Hi
I want to thank those horrible people for making those comments about you,,,, if they didnt you would not have posted the above and you know what, you are my new role model i needed to read that you have inspired me THANK YOU THANK YOU God bless you and your riding.
You are so very welcome, Stasha! If me writing helped you at all, it was more than worth it.
Very good article. Keep up the great work in and out of the saddle! Riders shouldn’t have to hear the b*tchiness like what your husband heard. At least you’re getting out there and doing something you love. A person’s size doesn’t dictate the type of rider that they are. Keep smiling & keep riding
Thank you, Jennifer! I totally agree.
I find women in the horse world are so judgmental of other woman to the point of being caddy and downright rude.
Good for you for putting the negativity aside and continuing with your passion.
I’m a middle aged woman just getting into riding, have my first horse (lifelong dream!) and the hardest obstacle I continue to battle is other women.
Continue what you are doing – keep winning those medals!
I have to be honest, I haven’t run into that much of it personally. I do think that it is really important to find a barn that has a supportive + inclusive atmosphere. It’s amazing how much having a team that stands with you can protect you from the mean-girl-ness.
Plus, I’ve found that being very positive and involved goes a long way towards silencing the peanut gallery.
Kristen, you’re a beautiful young woman…glad you’re not waiting to “get back in shape” before getting on with what you really love. Too many people put their lives on hold until they are a certain size. Some never reach that size and therefore never get to share their other God-given talents with the world. I turned 60 this year and decided to pursue the goal of learning to ride well. I struggle a bit with the self-image of looking clumsy and well, foolish, trying to do things that most riders have learned as teenagers. I hadn’t seen your blog before someone posted it on facebook but will be following from now on. Thanks for sharing!
That’s exactly it, Nancy. Horse’s have so much to give us, it would be such a shame to rob ourselves of that!
This is a great article! I’ve been in horses my whole life (Arabians) and have also been around the oh so wonderful “peanut galleries.” As someone who has lost over 80lbs while still riding on the A circuit, I can appreciate what you are saying about having to work on balance. I actually struggle a lot more after losing the weight. I find that now I have a much harder time getting my horses body position where I want it, I just don’t have the same strength as I used to, and my horse can “throw” me off balance instead of the other way around. Being heavier made my horse be more balanced as I actually had to work at it rather than letting the horse correct me! In my opinion, don’t worry about your weight in regards to riding; if you stick with it you will be a better rider in the end because you will work harder than someone who let’s their horse do their balancing for them. Good for you for doing what you love! Keep writing too!
Thank you, Megan! And yes, there definitely are some trade offs!
People who are mean have their own hatefulness and self-loathing to deal with. Ignore them as they struggle with that baggage and do your own thing with joy.
It says more about them than the person they are talking about, for sure!
I love your attitude! I own two lovely dressage saddles, a marvelous 15 hand TB who is an amazing eventer, but wins with her dressage scores. And, the dreaded white pants from Hell. I also have Hashimotos disease which has seen me go from a comfortable size 8 to a +12. Being exhausted is a norm for me now. I am 50, and used to be hyperactive, now I am hypersensitive. Still, I love to work with my animals and have moved to the fun arena of competitive trail. The negative remarks from the Dressage Queens toward each other were enough to keep me out of the ring. No Thanks. Good Luck to you and your beautiful horse. You two are a great team!
“white pants from hell” – LOL Absolutely! I think we could significantly boost dressage show participation by making black breeches the norm! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your experience. I just got home from riding at the barn and watching the videos of me riding at the canter. When i watched them i thought there is no way i can return to showing looking like this. However you helped me remember that the time is now. I have never been a skinny little thing and i need to move on.
Absolutely, Lisa! I remind myself daily – I love how I feel in the saddle more than I don’t like how I like doing it 😉
i hear ya sister!
I read your story in disbelief.. I am shocked and saddened and very discouraged by this.. The people that made these unkind and uncalled for remarks are far from sportsmanlike and should be ashamed of themselves. I would have had some very choice words for them had I been within earshot of those comments. We are all trying to do our very best and the horse show environment should be one of support and encouragement, PERIOD!
I applaud you for not letting things get in the way of your goals and “Just doing it!”.. Riders come in all shapes and sizes and we are all fighting a battle of some kind and looking for a little relief from the pressures of life by spending time with our horse. Honestly, this makes me incredibly sad and this is the part of riding dressage that I find the most challenging..It never seems to be the horses, it’s the people that are the problem.. You should have trotted over to the rail and handed one of them the reins to your horse and invited them to hop on and do it better themselves!
Bravo to you for following your dreams and not giving up.. Life is hard enough as it is sometimes.
Robin – when I told my trainer about the comments, she simply laughed. My gelding, lovely boy that is, is a challenging and quirky ride that even she finds a work out! I totally agree with you and felt like we need to take ownership of this part of our sport. Each of us can take a step towards changing the conversation to one of support and encouragement. Thank you for taking the time to comment!
I loved you article it is so encouraging. I am a plus size rider in my fifties who decided to get back riding three years ago. When I first started I was at a little dressage show in our community. I approached every woman built like myself and asked them about clothing, saddles etc. I was thrilled with the incredible encouragement these woman where showing me. By this time I had already found an incredible trainer who never looked at weight she just saw the love I had for riding. She helped me through the fact that I had to admit my horse was too small for me. While I was on the search for my dream horse she kept me riding one of hers. She helped me to find my dream horse and we were set to go. But I let old insecurities and comments I heard about myself stop me from moving forward with my progress. My trainer finally got through to me that I needed to have more faith in my horse and my ability. That was such a hard task, after years it is a hard habit to break. I have figured out, that have to shut my mind down and close my ears and do what I love to do. I have a beautiful mare that is so happy to be a one person horse, she nickers when I show up at the barn. And I can call her to me from anywhere. I have an incredible trainer who has always looked out for the best interests of myself and my horses. And I have an incredible group of equine friends who have always supported me. And finally I have a family that has my back and always will. One more thing I have figured out that anyone who does not fit the “stero type ” size for riding has to have incredible amounts of courage. Good luck to all you ladies RIDE ON
<3 having the right time behind you makes a HUGE difference!
I love this…I recently started to try and ride again after a few years of deciding I will not ever ride again because I’m too fat. I love your courage to actually get out and show. I did a few years ago and then haven’t tried again. I hear all the comments and see the faces of people that look down on me for being a large person riding. I have been riding since I was 6 and I love horses, but the “shaming” I hear and read all the time makes me second guess myself and whether or not I should take up riding again. Your writing is inspirational. Thanks for that!
A little bit about my weight problem. I was a healthy 125lbs and was professionally training horses when I had an unplanned pregnancy. I continued to ride until I was 3 months along and was told I had high blood pressure and had to go on bed rest. I gained over 100lbs in the 7 months of bed rest. A month to the day after my emergency c-section I had a gall bladder attack and had three surgeries to take out the gall bladder and “fix” my liver. From then on I have had a hard time loosing weight. My second pregnancy was just as bad and bed rest from 5 moths on for early term labor. I am with you, I eat healthy and I’m at the barn working most days. I get enough exercise but still have a hard time loosing. I’m on my 4th or 5th time of starting Weight Watchers (which seems to be the only thing that helps my loose weight). Maybe this time I will get the weight off! 🙂
So keep up what you are doing and don’t ever let anyone bring you down about showing! You have a lot of courage, more so than me, and it is inspirational!
Lorie – I will tell you that it was a journey for me. Before this year, I had shown a handful of times in the 5 or years since a medication reaction cause my thyroid to stop working and packed on 60+ lbs. Last year, I just decided I didn’t care. I was going to start working towards my goals no matter what. Along the way, I can tell you that the VAST majority of people have been incredibly supportive. The worst of the criticism and “shaming” is all in my own head. You have everything it takes to chase your goals already 🙂
Kristin, I am 56 years old and have just started dressage, I was a western pleasure rider for years, then a hunter on the flat/EQ rider, then I had a horse sent to me for a “tune-up” and she really needed to be restarted…after a 3 year rehab including not walking for the better part of a year, I began my horse journey on a mule. I finally got a horse that I can ride because I spent years trying to ride trotting horses, but my back and hip won’t allow that. Time wasted, meantime, I gained weight..we all do over time. I now have a TWH mare, and I am taking lessons and this month will be my FIRST dressage show..albeit I am doing intro A and B, lol..but you know what..I don’t care what people think. I don’t take any medication other than Alleve if things are really bad and I eat very healthy..but I am 56 years old and have had 3 children. I have lost a few pounds, but I am NEVER going to be a size 6 again..never. And I don’t care. I have a husband that loves me, a horse that I can ride without fear (that took years) and 3 successful children who have never been problems. You just go on and ride and do what you do..I think the pics show a woman who can ride, a horse that looks happy and well kept and that is the best thing of all.
Just enjoy your journey and Elf..you will be much happier if you tune out the “noise” of the body shamers.
Best regards always!
Thank you, Cindy, that is exactly it!
I needed to hear this today. Thank you.
Janice – if it spoke to you today, then I’m glad it happened 🙂
Thank you for putting this out there for others to read! You are beautiful on Elf and have NOTHING to be self-conscious about (in my opinion ^_^) I was a heavy teenager – weighing between 170 and 190 lbs from 13 until I was 19, and I rode EVERY DAY and backed as many horses as possible. I took lessons in Natural Horsemanship, Equitation, Hunter, and Dressage, all at once – out of that came a VERY unique way of riding, let me tell you! My family was very supportive and I was a young tank, and we raise half-drafts and American Warmbloods at our farm, so I only felt under-horsed while riding other people’s horses! When I was 25 my gallbladder began to fail, and then came the exhaustion and the weight loss and the muscle loss, and when I actually reached my goal weight of 135 lbs I HATED it. My big gelding was throwing me around like a rag doll up there, and dragging me around like a toy at the end of his lead rope! I never realized just how much I was relying on that weight until I didn’t have it anymore. I’m 30 now, gallbladder long out, and at 150 lbs I have some of my muscle back and enough weight back to properly ‘grow roots’ and hold Hitch through his spooks again. I’m 5’3″ and built like a Quarter Horse, so I’ll never be like those women who kept me out of the shows when I was younger – and I don’t care. I always hated dressing up to ride when I could just ride bareback at home anyway – but I missed out on showing a couple of nice Percherons in jump classes as a teenager b/c the owner didn’t like my looks. Meh. An Olympic dressage trainer once told me that “I had the perfect build for riding, with a low center of gravity and big legs perfect for gripping the horse’s barrel, short and stocky and stuck in the saddle” and at 14, that made me glow and stuck with me. YOU are the same – and keep up the good work! I don’t show, but I’m looking into search and rescue training instead with my big boys. Ignore the cats – they’re just jealous!
Becky – I have gotten a similar content from clinicians and trainers through out the years. I have long legs for my height, a short torso and broader shoulders with a very strong back. I firmly believe in focusing on building strength and stamina as opposed to any focus on my weight!
You go girl! Keep doing what you love and let the hater’s wallow in their obvious own self-consciousness issues. My 21 year old sister has been riding since she was 10. She does some dressage, but she shines in any sort of jumping! Now my sister is skinny as a rail, but she is 5 feet 10 and gets made fun of for making her 14 hand Morgan look like a little pony when she’s riding him… but what I love about her is how she just shakes it off… She has been known to bust out in dance to T. Swift’s “Shake it Off.” lol I’m pretty sure that’s her anthem.
That’s wonderful, Hillary! There are some people who always find something negative or unpleasant to focus on. How sad for them.
We need more riders like you speaking out. I started Cowgirls With Curves earlier this year for the same reason. (On facebook & website) While the rest of the world is starting to embrace real size women, the horse world has not. Just because we’re not a certain size, it doesn’t mean we’re not strong or we can’t ride well. Good for you!!
Thank you! I’m excited to check out your website!
good for you! Ive shown western pleasure for years and it’s the beauty pageant western event. I’m not skinny but I can ride and I just do it anyway. Keep showing!
Jaime – I’ve heard that about western pleasure. Thank you!
Kristen,
I love that you have my middle name! I don’t own a horse, and never have, but have been “horse-crazy” since I was 8, and I’m going to be 64 soon. I have fibromyalgia, and have weight issues. When my best friend and I used to take lessons together, back in the 60’s, and she started competing (she was totally supported by her parents), and my high insteps prevented me from getting a pair of those beautiful boots, I knew that I could only be a bystander. But hey, someone needs to applaud you! I’m applauding you. You’re living your dreams, and showing everyone how to do it in her own way. I remember my best friend stressing about her competitions, which I used to attend a lot, and seeing her riding to perfection, but never winning the “blues” because she wasn’t a “pretty rider”. She explained that this meant long torso, shorter legs. But she was so dedicated! Just a suggestion for your husband – whatever he’s doing in the military, thanks for your service! I hope he wears his dress blues to each show, as a sign of respect for your accomplishments, and when the cattiness starts “That’s my wife. I’m trained to kill people”. LOL!
<3 I was actually really impressed with him for not becoming confrontational LOL
I loved reading this. Personally when I was a kid I loved horses I went through a sort of “phase” where everything I owned and did and watched and read was about horses. My mom being amazing, signed me up for riding lessons at the local barn. I loved it, I got to muck stalls and take care of the horses and bathe them and brush them. I got to ride them and tack them too. And as someone who is now in college studying to become a veterinarian those are days I look back on very fondly. However, sadly the trainer lady soured the experience by essentially telling a 8-10year old girl that she was too fat and that she needed to lose weight or she would hurt the horse or get bucked off. I remember how I felt then I was absolutely terrified of hurting the horse more than anything, as an avid animal lover I couldn’t imagine being the cause of any sort of pain or discomfort of an animal and so it created a serious stigma. I tried to lose weight and was constantly reminded at every lesson that I still had more work to do and so I eventually ended up quitting even though I had spent summers mucking stalls just to spend time around the horses. Fast forward to current time and I volunteer at a horse rescue and hadn’t even realized how long the stigma had carried until I felt the tightness in the pit of my stomach when someone even mentioned being able to ride the horses. I already felt myself shaking my head, bowing out because a piece, way back in my mind, is still the 9 year old girl told she was too fat to ride a horse.
So thank you, it’s so encouraging to read stories such as these. To realize that something such as a small event from my past has so profoundly effected me is insane to realize and reading your story is enlightening. I always thought I was in the wrong but in reality, it was my trainer for body shaming a 9 year old.
So thank you, and keep on being fabulous!
Alex, your story hurts my heart. I know how powerfully horses and riding empowered me as an 8,9,10 year old and what a comfort they were for the years after that. The thought that someone robbed you of that through their own ignorance and idiocy is mind blowing. I’m so, so proud of you for reaching out to horses again by volunteering! My suggestion? Find a good, supportive pro to work with and help you develop that confidence again. It will take some time and there will be moments you’ll continue to doubt yourself, but it will be an incredible gift you give yourself!
I grew up showing horses until I went to college. During my second marriage I was able to get back into the world of horses and give my daughter the same opportunity that I had as a kid. After gaining weight and not able to figure out way, I was diagnosed with thyroid problems too. I’ve lost my confidence as a rider and have begun riding less and less. I can see the effect it is having on every area of my life. I’m sorry you are dealing with the body shaming but you are an inspiration to many. Thank you for sharing!
Nicole, I hope my story gives you the encouragement you need to hold onto something that makes you smile. Confidence can be a tough thing to hold on to but it’s so worth it!
I’m glad you both rode AND shared this story with “cyberworld.” Although I’ve never been body shamed, I have been “socio-economically” shamed. When I was about 12 and just bursting with horse love, I borrowed a family friend’s 25 y/o QH to take lessons on. There were a group of us girls (they had their own horses) who rode over to a fancy show barn across the street. Long story short, the trainer basically told me I needed a better horse, my own saddle, and better boots, when I told her that my parents said I could join Pony Club and the horse’s owner said it was okay too. I look back at this thinking, “What a meanie!” How can individuals be so cruel to minimize a person’s love for an animal and passion to learn and be a better rider (in both your case and mine). I wish the negative people would give it a rest. I guess there’s some twisted sense of power and/or superiority when a person is bent on criticizing others. Ultimately I think it’s adult bullying. Good for you for “going for it” and for having the courage to publish this. I hope your spectators happen to see this post.
Thank you, Susan. And yes! There is all kinds of negativity out there and it really has no place in our sport.
Congratulations on a fantastic article I really enjoyed it and am inspired to start my own 101 in 1001. I can tick one off as I’ve just got back into riding and bought a lovely thoroughbred named Fred. But I’ve lost a lot of confidence in myself and comments can hurt. Best thing to do is don’t let other peoples comments spoil your experience, what they say, says volumes more about them than you. 10 to 1 there’re insecure and unhappy, negative and cruel comments reflect negatively on the person saying them also. Sounds like your living your dream, enjoy and You go girl..
Absolutely! I’ve love to follow along with you on your 101 in 1001! I’ve really enjoyed mine and have found it’s given me a huge push towards some lifelong goals.
You are doing so very much RIGHT that there is nothing more to say! I coach heavier riders and I’m simply pleased when they, like any other rider (which is what they are), impove the timing of their aids, the feel of the movement, the perception of understanding (or lack of) from their horse, the clarification of their requests…they are advancing their skill and thats what matters to me and to their horse! And I was an Air Force Brat so I know the added complication of deployment and moving to different AFBs. You are a conqueror of all these challenges! Kudos!!!! An added note, I’ve also seen the perfect figure who struggles with timing and feel or dyslexia…we all struggle with something! Learning and improving despite our struggles is the reward!
Thank you, Linda! And you’re very right, everyone is fighting their own battle – whether it’s physical or mental or emotional, a little kindness and respect goes a long way.
I am also a military wife, work full-time, and am a mom. Like you I am not the perfect body type and the body shaming is just horrible at shows. Just know that you are not alone. Many of these mean people are mean in so many aspects of their lives that I truly have learned to feel sorry for them. You just keep on keeping on!
Totally! How unfortunate for them to live a life so permeated by negativity! 🙂
I started riding as an adult. I know the feeling about snide remarks too. Not just my weight but about my first horse which was an ASB trained for eventing that had gone Prelim! I won’t go into that. Needless to say I know how you feel. I started over with a new horse now a few years later. Again life happens. Moving to tadpole this coming year and then finally my goal of BN!
Don’t let people like that get you down. So many don’t get out there. And just as many know it alls probably don’t have your skills. The Olympian Imtiaz Anees has a philosophy of Determination, Dedication, and Discipline. I have taken that to heart now too. Good luck in your goals and as long as you are improving and having fun that’s what counts.
Thank you, Michelle. I <3 that philosophy. I've learned to embrace the focus on growth!
Fantastic article! I’m a fit, plus-sized rider getting back into the show ring and needed this kind of role model! Thank you 🙂
BTW, the demand for large sizes is HUGE…I had a hard time finding boots in stock in my size, and never find breeches big enough and long (I’m 5’11”)…the retail industry needs to step up.
Thank you Laurel! There is a lot of demand! I’ve definitely learned which brands are my go to!
I have been struggling with Lupus for about 5 yrs now, gained a bunch of weight and was literally too crippled to ride, and it was killing me. Now that I have found natural treatments Ive lost some weight, bought a nice calm new horse and I crawl onto him from the tailgate of the truck to VICTORY. Every time I get on and ride its a victory for me. My horse provides me with the legs that can carry me hiking and hunting with my husband, something I loved doing so much and felt like I lost. So screw those people that talk behind our backs, my butt might be big and jiggle in the saddle but Im UP THERE. And Im a damn good rider from 20 years of work.
<3 that! Horses really do lend us their strength!
You know that I understand how you and your husband feel on this situation. It was really hard for me to start showing again in Texas about 30 lbs heavier than my last experience in the ring, but in the end my love for the sport overcame my self esteem issues. For what it’s worth, I’ve never been bullied or heard anything negative to my face. I’m sure people talk behind my back, but that’s why I work really hard so I can try to ride better than them 🙂
<3 I'm sure it's happened before to me where I didn't hear it. I still feel just fine about it! I also battled that first step out there, but now? Not a chance I'd give it up.
I ride horses too and I honestly didn’t know this was a problem in (and outside of) the ring. Thank you for sharing this. Now that I think about it, it really isn’t that much of a surprise, and I do know lots of riders with body image “issues” that could definitely have resulted from pressure from riding in shows.
I’m glad a lot of people have backed you up on this. Funny how body shaming has crept its way into everything, including the horse world. It’s funny, too, because riding horses helped me overcome my own eating disorder, but the “people” element of it all can certainly ruin things.
Jill – I’ve been really fortunate in that this is the first time I’ve experienced it in the five years that I’ve been wrestling with my weight, but there’s no doubt it’s a systemic issue in our industry. For the hunter world, the “big eq” body has long been an issue. I absolutely agree that it’s simply a reflection of how critical society in general has become of our bodies.
I don’t understand why it’s so easy to criticize than it is to compliment. Why do people default to negative talk instead of complimenting on the good?
Sure, we all have instances of jealousy – even the best do, but putting someone else down does not in fact lift us up or make us better riders. I’m far likelier to succeed in getting better if I try emulating what I like about what someone is doing than making a snarky remark about them.
What we say out loud is what we have nurtured in our hearts – therefore, if I hear people speaking trash, I know exactly where their heart is. Sometimes it helps me easily shrug off the bad, sometimes it doesn’t. But it helps me personally to focus on what I then give time to and cultivate in my own heart.
Sarah, I think you nailed it with “What we say out loud is what we have nurtured in our hearts”. I’ve found that the people who are most critical and negative are saying the same, if not worse things to themselves. It’s amazing what a little kindness can do, and it’s something we all could do more!
we all should try to be the best riders we can be – no matter what we look like, no matter how clumsy or talented we are… that is what matters and our horses will show us when we succeeded!
Absolutely!
I deal with the same issues, after being diagnosed with RA with the help of steroids I put on 65lbs and at 59 years old not easy to take off. I am my worse critic and you are right about show clothes, to find ones that fit your top and bottom at times is not possible. was told by a judge once if you would dress more like the other riders you might have had a higher score, really?? I am not a size 9 I am a size 18. thank you for sharing this from my point of view it takes guts to stand up for who you are and not what they want you to be.
Lynell – I am between a 16/18 in street clothes and was able to find show clothes (most of which I picked up on sale or used). You can find the list and links here: https://www.ifthesaddlefits.com/the-cost-of-your-first-dressage-show/
You give me courage.
<3
Thank you so much for writing this! I also have thyroid issues coupled with several old back injuries and while I eat healthy and ride and jog and hike regularly and live a very active life, weight is and always will be a struggle for me. It is possible to be both “fit and fat” and I agree with your mantra – do it anyway! I’ve been monitoring my resting heart rate, working to reduce stress, and get even healthier and in the process, incorporating riding as often as I can has been a huge help. I’m going to a weekend long show this coming weekend with a friend and several horses, and no real plan other than to just see how we do and work hard and do our best. It’s a very different – and liberating – feeling than when the focus was making sure I fit in, I was good enough, working towards fitting in the “ideal rider and show type.” I am not that. I am me. And I’m grateful that I am able to ride. Thank you again!
YAY! for finding that place where you can show and have *fun*! THat’s what it is supposed to be but it’s so, so hard to hold onto and quiet all those inner critic thoughts that tell us we can’t!
Thank you for much for sharing your heart and your struggles! I am wrestling with the same thing. I’ve dedicated my adult, married life to my husband’s Army career and supported him in every way possible, kept the house and family running through multiple deployments, moved ten times in 15 years, raised two boys, and taught full time. Now, he is retired, the boys are almost grown (one in college, one a junior in high school) and I have time to invest in the things I love, horses!!! I am so thankful that your husband is willing to allow you to have and pursue what makes you whole! We’ve been married 26 years and we’re not there yet, I try not to dwell on it but just enjoy trail rides and lessons when I can. But your article is definitely encouraging for me. Thank you!!
*hugs*
Hi Kristen,
Your story brought tears to my eyes. I have such admiration for your tenacity to continue to ride despite the cruel observations and actions that you have encountered. Those people are truly the shame of the show world. You and Elf are beautifully turned out. Congratulations on your continued successes!
I too am an overweight equestrian, but have never had the nerve to put on the white breeches and show. I have medical issues that contribute to my weight. Anyway, I can’t find any tall boots that fit my calves (former gymnast) – would need to spend a small fortune to have a pair altered to fit. I salute you for your courage and urge you to continue to be true to yourself. Remember, it’s not your business what anybody else thinks of you (unless of course they love and support you).
Finally, thanks to you and your husband for the sacrifices you make every day in the service of our country.
Hold your head high and walk on girl, walk on!!!!!
Barbara
Barbara – finding boots is really challenging for me too – narrow ankles and very muscular calves! It’s been a journey to get to a point that I could say I can go show just for me and the progress we’re making, but I’m really happy with where we are!
I too have thyroid issues, mine was cancer they removed my thyroid among other things. I am fat but stable because loosing weight is not an option for me. I just can’t being on synthroid for life or I die. I am just going to start competing this coming year no mater what. my choice of venue is Equine Trail sports, trail competitions. It combines my love of trails,camping with competing. I also get the military deployment and moving every 4 years.
So glad your found the right equestrian “home” for you 🙂
Bless you and your horse Kristen ! Well said !
Thank you.
It is amazing what people’s insecurities say about them. Those railbirds show who they are. I am so happy to see the amazing support you’ve received! Keep on and rock it lady!
Thank you! It’s been pretty overwhelming!
THANK YOU so much for writing this post as it so accurately reflects my struggles and feelings on this subject.
<3
You go girl. I fought with my weight all my life in the other direction. I am tired. Your horse does not care what your weight is. He loves you for who you are and the time you spend with him. To heck with those catty women and may a thousand fleas infest their hair.
Thank you, Cynthia. I take great care to ensure that he has what he needs. Shaming and gossip of any kind simply has no place in our sport.
Hi! Someone I know posted a link to this post on Facebook. I’m so glad I stopped by! I ride dressage and have experienced some of the same body shaming issues. (Also, the first thing I noticed in your picture is that your horse looks like mine from that angle!). A lot of my body issues are in my own mind, but I also feel like I would just be happier at shows if I looked better in the saddle.
I also looked at your 101 in 1001 section and I noticed that you listed running a half marathon. So many people think they can’t do it, but barring any injuries/disabilities, you most certainly can! I have a tiny running blog that sometimes gets neglected, but I haven’t found any blogs that really combine my love of riding and with healthy living.
I look forward to reading more of your posts! 🙂
Jaime, I’m glad you stopped by too! I am working towards running a half marathon – I have a 5K on the calendar for next month and I joined a running group. I ran a half marathon 7 years ago before I had my son and I’m excited to do another one.
I’d love to have to take a peek at my equestrian blogger’s group, I think there are a couple of us that talk about health/fitness + riding! You can find the link at https://www.ifthesaddlefits.com/just-for-bloggers/
Thank you for sharing your story. I think the photo of you is quite striking. It brought back the memory of one of my childhood heroes. We lived in a small town outside of Houston and one of my first babysitters was a teen from our church who lived on a nearby farm. To me, she was a goddess. I loved how she wore tight wranglers with cowboy boots. She was a big girl and to me she was so beautiful. It’s a good reminder that size and beauty are made up by society. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.
Thank you, Christine. What a lovely memory!
There is allot of social media talk right now about body shaming and I usually keep my mouth quiet about these things but I thought as a “technically” obese person I thought I would address this a little. I know I am over weight; I have struggled with it my whole life. I am extremely active, work ridiculous hours every day and would gladly add sports to my weekly schedule if time allowed. But the truth is my eating habits suck, mostly because of all the running around I do and late hours I spend at the barn. I would give anything to be one of those lovely, non-jiggling dressage riders, but boobs are boobs. You can be more athletic than most, fitter than most, and still be classified as obese. People can talk all they want about heavy riders… I dare a skinny person to try to take my upper level horse around the cross country cross. Great article!!
Sincerely
“technically obese person”
<3 You hit the nail on the head, Carrie. And I'll tell you, even my super fit, personal trainer dressage trainer comments on how much strength it takes to ride my guy - he gives her a workout too!
I am so proud of you!!! As a 53 year old barrel racer, who only started showing about 5 years ago, I took dressage also. I loved it, but the comments “this is a young girls sport, only the young girls look good doing this” got too me, so I quit and went back to western riding and went to speed events with my quarter horses. Now they can “eat my dust”, as we take blue after blue.
I wish I had your fortitude to stick with it on the dressage… I ride my barrel horse English when we want to relax…and use dressage to make her better at her runs
I’ll tell you, Kelli, I’ve been fortunate to have had overwhelmingly positive feedback. And I don’t know what those folks you talked to were smoking – the dressage shows I’ve been to have been mostly attended by adult women of all shapes, especially at the lower levels. It makes for a wonderful round of wine tasting after classes!
Go Girl! This is a great post!
That’s a great attitude to have. Keep it up, and don’t let people get you down! 🙂
Thank you Paola!
Your attitude and achievements are amazing! Keep it up! I have a friend who battled thyroid and weight issues for a long time, and now she’s learned how to manage it … and helps others, with loads of free (and knowledgeable) advice! You can check her out at https://www.facebook.com/PrimalPotentialFatLoss or http://primalpotential.com
You are an inspiration!
Thank you Cheryl! I’ll check out your friend’s site.
I can relate. This year I was diagnosed hypothyroid (along with being diabetic) ballooning up to size 14 from a size 8. This year I showed my rescue quarter horse in dressage. Not only did I fight for my own self esteem, but my rescue horse as well. He was inbred and has sex reversal syndrome. It took us 6 years for him to be able to physically trot, his body was so deformed and not “dressage material”. But we went to 5 shows and got scores ranging from 57 to 66 in Training 1 and 2 (he’s a steady eddy so we have fun). Just getting out there is a huge accomplishment and I’m proud of you for doing the same!
*hugs* that sounds like quite a journey!
As I see it, you did the only thing a good trainer/rider could do in the situation with your horse. Correct the mistake (forget about points) and continue on as though nothing happened.
As far as the weight comments… people always have something to say, don’t they?
Yes, Stephanie, they do! And thank you, I felt really good about our ride and our show in general. Although I’ve been in the hunter/jumper ring for 20+ years, this season is my first foray into the dressage ring and we hit every goal my trainer and I made for the season.
My issue is not so much body shaming but horse shaming. I too started late in life to ride and show. I found the most wonderful partner in a foundation bred quarter horse. We tried hunters and I did not take to jumping but found dressage and am in love! I started showing at schooling shows and have found that “horse shaming” is also quite prevalent. When I show up in my not so new trailer with my not a warmblood/thoroughbred/fresian , stocky 15.1 hand quarter horse we are looked down upon. He is not 17 hands with a long floating stride but he never spooks at anything and gives it his all! I used to let those people make feel bad until I started to read the judges comments that said “great pair” and “what a lovely horse!”. I hold my head high now because I know what the true meaning of dressage is, creating harmony and a partnership with your horse. And my boy and I have that all the way!
If it’s not one thing, its another, isn’t it?
This is a very inspiring story. It is one that many riders would not be willing to talk about. It takes an incredibly strong person to overcome these adversities. Well done. I hope to see many updates about you placing higher than people that think you have to be a size 0 to be competitive. 🙂
Thank you, Cathi. I firmly believe that the best way to deal with gremlins is to drag them into the light 😉
Kristen….Thank you for sharing your story…..by now, you know you are not alone.
I was bitten by the horse ‘bug’ when I was 4-5, I am presently 67, mom of two, grandmother of 6!
I have forever fought being ‘overweight’ and have probable LOST more weight then my current weight times ten! Usually 10-20 lbs over my ideal……………………..I have two horses now, one is a 16 yr old Swedish Warmblood who has been ‘off’ for almost two years due to an injury…….I continued to ride when the opportunity presented itself.
I recently purchased another horse…..a 5 yr old Mustang gelding who is positively BOMBPROOF!
Ben [the SWB] is stunning…..16 3, black, white star, 2 white socks and a tail that was the envy of every other horse in the barn. We showed him Second Level at one show and he won with 2 scores in the high 60’s and a 77%. Merlin [the baby] is just starting but a wonderful partner.
In 2004, I had a “Cardiac Event” and ended up with two stents in the main artery in my heart. My first question was ‘when can I ride’?I have had SEVERAL “Stress Tests” since then and the most commin question is “You’re really FIT, what do you do for exercise”? ‘I ride horses”…..”Well, THAT isn’t exercise”!,,,,,,,,,SERIOUSLY!?!?! Try keeping a 1,500 lb animal cantering and collecting him to canter almost in place……..!
My horses have ALWAYS been my refuge, my confidants and my healers. Mine [yours as well] is a passion non-horse people find incomprehensible.
Those who are critical of any other rider because of their size are petty and inconsequential to you and who you are…..they aren’t worth the time or effort to even acknowledge.
In the event your wonderful husband should overhear comments like that in the future……he should turn to them and say “That is my wife” and watch them slither off to criticize someone else.
No one knows what another persons issues are….YOU look wonderful, keep riding and showing……God Bless and thank you for sharing your husband with our country…..please thank him for his service as well.
Thank you, Kathi! I totally agree. 🙂
I just randomly came across your facebook page and blog page tonight. Thank you for this blog post. It spoke directly to me as an amateur equestrian with her own horse, a military person, a mom, larger than a size 12 woman with a recently diagnosed hypothyroid problem. It’s nice to hear that I am not alone.
Tanya – I’m glad you found your way here!
Touché !! Im 52 yrs old and have battled weight all my life. There are times I just don’t ride bc I feel like in so overweight and it’s not fair to my horse but it’s more unfair to not ride him. I can definitely relate and this was REALLY Encouraging. Thanks! Btw
I think You are gorgeous 😎
Thank you, Lorri! 🙂 I’m glad you found it encouraging.
It’s unfortunate that people have to make unkind remarks. It’s also too bad that your husband shared their remarks with you.
While your weight is not a reflection of your moral character, or value as a person, it’s true that it’s a liability when it comes to riding. It’s hard to have a deep seat when you’re sitting on a bigger-that-average butt. It’s harder to apply your lower leg the fuller your thighs may be. Keeping your center of balance with that of your horse is likewise more difficult. In other words, weighing more makes it harder work for a dedicated rider like you.
Rather than unkindly judge and make mean comments, those rail birds should admire you for your determination. Some of us were not born with the long, lanky natural body type ideal for riding horses. That should not stop us from enjoying our animals, doing our best, and competing.
Thank you. I too battle with weight and this past year has been extremely difficult; so much that I am going to see a doc to see if it is my thyroid. The worst part was the impact on riding. I was never very good or very devoted and the recent extreme weight gain plays on my self consciousness more. Thank you for inspiring me – and best wishes.
You are so very welcome. It definitely can take a toll – but, it doesn’t have to stop you!
Keep up the good work, you look marvelous on your horse 🙂
Some people are just so busy with other, they should take care of their own lives.
Greetings
Jani from Denmark.
Thank you, Jani!
Sadly, George Morris is famous for body shaming. I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of times I’ve heard his commentary on weight. He has seriously done some mental damage there. I rode a really good text in front of a judge from Mexico. All of his comments were about my weight. Horrible.
Sara – I’ve actually ridden with George in a clinic and had a really productive, positive experience but I know not everyone has. I have seen him be very severe with a rider who he perceived as having no muscle tone/body control, although in the case of my clinic she was quite small statured.