SITS Girls Back2Blogging Day 4: I’m turning into my mother!

Thursday, September 16: Write a new post about a woman who inspires you.

There is no doubt that having a child changes you. My pregnancy made me reflective. My son’s birth showed me the joy in pain. Watching him grow has taught me the value of imperfection.

But the single most important lesson was the insight I gained into my mom’s experience.

When I think of my childhood, it is a happy memory. I remember climbing trees, early mornings asking for a taste of mom’s hot tea, getting dressed under the covers on chilly days, soccer practice in the fall, basketball games in the winter.

The simple fact that I have pleasant memories is a testament to Mom’s dedication to her children. Because those years were shadowed by the physical, psychological and verbal abuse handed out by my biological father for the first fourteen years of my life.

I have plenty of those memories too, and I still experience the after effects. Yelling shuts me down. I cry when I am angry. Being grabbed from behind prompts an anxiety attack and uncontrollable shivering.

Before having a child of my own, my understanding of Mom’s experience was intellectual. I understood why she did what she did on clinical level. It wasn’t until I held my son that I truly knew what she meant when she said her children were everything to her. When I had to let him fall down while learning to walk that I’ve learned how much his hurts (no matter how small) hurt me.

My mom truly lives by placing the least of us first. She makes service a way of life.

I can only hope that when my child (or children) looks back on the challenges and struggles of his childhood, he feels the security and warmth of his parents’ love.